Temptations

Today I made an effort to wake up early to attend Sunday Mass. Guess what, the guest preacher from India was talking about temptations. He was not taking about me tempted to eat choc cookies ( I was tempted to eat the choc cookies which don't belong to me)  but other sorts of temptations which will lead to death. Without God's power, you can never resist temptations. It is always my heart's desire to live a life worthy of God ( I think God knows it) but yet under forced circumstances, I had failed again and again but God's love never fails. This morning, as always, God's words and His love had reached my heart and touched my heart. Tears started flowing freely and was beyond my control. Before the worship started, I already confessed to God that recently I was again and again provoked by the `enemies' and I failed to stop my anger. I was tempted to pour out my anger and I did just that. Words were hurtful and I felt really crushed. So, today I went to church because I know only God's power can release me from this bondage and defeat the enemy. So, this morning, I was resurrected like a phoenix rising up from its own ashes and anointed. Praise the Lord for his grace and unfailing love.  

Untitled 1

Sun, moon, sky and the flowing river. It's just a dream. The path bears no foot print. Can you see me coming from afar. I can see you drifting away as I come nearer. All we ever want is a sense of belonging. I still remember the eyes that mirroring God amidst the propelling dirt. The sun-kissed wooden benches on a third class train. It was all so divine. Your awaken smile is like a Phoenix rising up from its own ashes. Your tragedy and victory have become mine. It gives me hope to see you triumph. Your hand in mine. It's not a coincidence. Come to me, let your heart tell me its own story. I will sit still and listen cos the universe will take centre stage on us. Come to me, let your wailing heart take a rest. Love is just that simple.          
      

In the arms of an angel

In the arms of an angel like a half way dream with no ending. Be empty, be silent, be still. Watch me in your grave next to you. You might think God is such a hype! But someone had seen a dead man walking. Never mind the bullock. All you need is to subscribe to the truth, no subscription fee. I need some distraction cos memory seeps from my veins. I'll find some peace tonight in the arms of an angel in this dark cold hotel room. You were pulled from the wreckage and made whole again. I wish I was there. Isn't it a mystery? What a beautiful fucked up mystery as fucked up as the truth. Do you still think that God is such a hype after you have encountered him? One day all of us will go down the same path like the alpha and the omega. I'll be the first and the last. It is no ordinary miracle. I will remember you as much as you remember me lying beside you in that hospital bed. It was like fumbling towards ecstasy. Will you take him when he comes to you door? Hold on, hold on to yourself cos this is going to hurt like hell. Let's have one last ice cold kiss and then exit.

Your hand in mine eternally

It seemed God had responded to the situation. Kavern passed away on Friday afternoon at 1.30. I really thought I was ready to let him go cos I really wanted the best for him not myself. I was not there when he passed away. I was supposed to be there on Friday cos normally I would go there to keep an eye on him cos everyone works on Friday except me. But this Friday was Wesak Day, a public holiday so the mother asked me not to go cos the father was around. I had to move out from his home cos the father had been disrespectful towards me but I think there's no point to further elaborate on that. He didn't know why I left, I wish I could explain to him but he was too ill to understand it.

Since I moved out in early April, I still went to visit him almost everyday when the father was not around. His condition started to worsen day by day.

I am angry and very sad. I went to the church meeting on Friday night and during the worship session and prayers, I could smell the scent of the fragrant oil, which was used by his father to anoint his head during his last surgery. I just thought that he was there with me.

Somehow I thank God for taking him so that his soul can rest in peace in the Lord's unfailing love.

`WHEN I DIE, PLEASE BURY ME STANDING COS I SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE KNEELING'

Will you take him when he comes to your door?

Sometimes we have to learn to suffer in silence in order not to make things worse and for the benefits of others. That's what I call sacrificial love. I always thought that my life is tragic but not anymore when I compare myself to Kavern. He is bedridden and like a skeleton clad with his own skin. He is neither dead or alive. Oh God, if you have no intention to heal him then please take him. My soul is dying bit by bit seeing him like that. Pleas set us free from this situation.

Don't let love pass you by

Who are you? What will you do if you only have one month to live? We are all stuck here, aren't we?

The other day, my friend said something very true. You can love someone but to have someone to love you is another question. Yes, we don't fall in love every day do we? So don't let love pass you by!

For my own record

I miss dating with Johnny.

I miss dancing with Pang.

I miss dressing up and going to art exhibition opening.

I miss the delicious cocktails at 21 Restaurant and Bar.

I miss the beef noodle soup near Changkat Bukit Bintang.

I miss travelling.

I miss Bangkok.

I miss the good old days in Cameron Highlands.

I miss what I no longer have, the care free life.

The scars of your heart

The scars of your heart are like an open wound on your flesh.
Who had planted these scars on your heart?
It hurts me as much as it had hurt you.
Isn't it an escape that you no longer remember?
The scars of your heart have led me here,
like how God tempted me with His love.

I know in the end you will live and I will die
because I am here to bear the pain,
like the sacrificial Lamb.

Where have all the flowers gone?

If you are my regular reader, you must have noticed the video called Sarcoma Awareness Day posted on my blog. Kavern organized Sarcoma Awareness Day a week before he went for his forth major surgery but things didn't turn out well this time. The surgeon managed to remove most of the tumour but blood kept oozing out from the tumour bed unstoppable. His heart beat stopped and the surgeons had to perform CPR for 3 minutes. He lost twelve big mineral water bottles of blood. The surgeon called us and asked us to get ready that Kavern wouldn't be able to make it and then he apologized. We were asked to enter the ICU to take a last look at him. The surgeon was there with us, he was sitting at the corner silently.

Kavern's parents and I started praying when we saw him lying there with blood still oozing out from his nose, the stitched up surgical wound on his right orbit and the long stitched up surgical wound which started from above the centre of his forehead that extended til the side of his right ear lobe. The bed was soaked with his blood and then continued flowing to the floor and formed a pool of blood. There was no response from him but blood was still being transfused into him.

I whispered something into his ear and then held on to his left hand tightly and continued praying in tongue and at one point, I felt a very strong presence of the Holy Spirit and my prayer became louder and louder. After a while, I saw his tongue moved slightly inside his half opened mouth. I also felt his fingers moved. The medical team asked us to leave soon after they saw a response from him. That Friday, I prayed in tongue almost non stop for nearly sixteen hours. I had never prayed so long in my life. I told the Lord that Kavern looked like he was being crucified and asked the Lord to release the nine inch nails from him cos the Lord was nailed on the cross on our behalf.

Kavern's father called and sent text messages to his church members and pastors, asking them to pray for Kavern. I text my sister, telling her Kavern's condition and asked her and her kids to pray for Kavern.

After a while, the medical officer and a nurse came over cos they wanted to discuss something important. According to the medical officer, there is one type of very costly medicine called Novo Seven, which can clog the blood but there is no guarantee that Kavern would survive. According to her again, even if Kavern survived, he would probably become retarded or experience lost of memory because his brain was insulted due to lack of oxygen supply for a long period of time. We asked the medical officer to do whatever they could for him. We could not possibly deny him a chance to live and we told ourselves that we would put our trust in the Lord.

What Happened next? To cut the story short, a miracle took place. The bleeding stopped. He didn't lose his memory or become retarded. He was raised from dead to life. The surgeons and nurses also believed that it was a work of God. A doctor even took a photo of him. He was hospitalized for three weeks, I was there with him, so were the parents. He couldn't walk in the beginning but slowly and steadily with the help of the walker, he managed to get on his feet and walk again. Suddenly, I have become the caretaker of a cancer patient. Who could have thought that? God is a joker? No, I love this man and my love for him is divine and it's God related.

After one month, he complaint of indigestion after meal. So, he was sent to have the CT Scan done on him. The result was not we wanted to know. The tumour already spread to the left eye, pressing the optical nerve. As a result, Kavern has gone blind. The tumour also spread from the head to his abdominal area. According to the doctor, it's something very rare but the doctor didn't want to take the risk to perform another surgery after that drama in the operating theater.

Then, I found out about Gene therapy in China and was corresponding with the hospital's representative but I couldn't convince the mother to send him over to China for treatment because there is a massive amount of money involved and needed to get the fund from MCA which were donated by the public. There were tense moments between me and his parents because of conflict of interest. Apart from that, they have been treating me well.

Then, I was away for two weeks in Thailand having my very much needed vacation. I came back only to hear the news that he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance due to unstoppable bleeding from his right orbit while I was away. He was hospitalized for a week and went through Radiotherapy before he was discharged before Christmas. He lost so much weight that he is too weak to walk on his own now.

Oh Lord, take this ruined body, your temple of God, cleanse it, sanctify it and make it whole again. Let me see this miracle and I will be your witness, I will proclaim your glory to all nations.

Few days ago, I found this poem written by Kavern when he was still in high school. I was surprised cos the meaning of the poem turns out to be quite similar to the meaning of the poem I wrote in Mandarin called 梦想 but his is much much darker than mine as if he was predicting his destiny and the fate of this world. So, I asked his permission to post it side by side with my Chinese poem.

Where have all the flowers gone?
There was no sunlight, there was no moon.
Am I here in this world alone,
waiting to leave soon?

The birds don't sing anymore,
The river doesn't flow to the sea
Seashells aren't washed to the shore,
where were things that were meant to be?

God's gift to mankind,
The horses, the fishes and the bees
Why are they now so hard to find,
They used to mean so much to me.

Where are they now? Has the world gone mad?

I feel so naked
here without companions or beauty,
How I long to see how the sun faded,
beyond the mountains away from the city.

Dawn to dusk
Twilight to starlight
Ashes to dust
Redemption Day is such a horrid sight!

Where have all the flowers gone?




梦想
微笑的白云像那无目标的游民般在天空中缓慢的漂流着。
那山岳还是高高的站立着,
等待着那微笑的白云来搂抱着它。
这景色早已被遗忘了，
就像那早已被遗忘了的童年梦想。
梦想早已被社会的期望无情的禁闭着了。
为何蓝天在高楼大厦后面躲藏着？
为何丛林变成了建筑地基？
为何河流被污染了？
为何梦想被资本主义捕获了?
微笑的白云还在微笑着，
仿佛在目睹被禁闭的梦想如何逃脱！

Hillsong - This is Our God

Here I would like to dedicate this song to my savior, my comfort, my love and my beloved Lord Jesus for His unfailing love, for His mercy.

2010

Wow, finally I managed to sign in to my blog when I least expected. Yeah, it's just like my life. I am so looking forward to February. It's gonna be a new beginning. I am gonna start teaching art to kids. It's gonna be fun. 8 hours a week. One week off every two months. Ten months contract.

My boss said that this is an opportunity for me to impart what I learned to the children and also an opportunity to minister to the children. Hahaha, I hope the kids won't grow up become like me, sure the parents won't be too pleased with that.

I hope this year the Lord will favour me and reward me for pursuing my dreams and for not giving up and for letting Him to fulfill His dream for me because he knows me better than I know myself. He knows exactly what he can accomplish through me.

For the past few years, I kept telling myself that I wanted to write a book before I turned 35. In 2005, when I was living in Bangkok for 5 months, I was hanging out with a journalist and my editors. According to my editor, I was one of their best writers, as good as that journalist from Germany who smoked weed most of the time but the thing is that he managed to write two books and had them published. Then, me and my editor use to compare ourselves to that German journalist. We just thought that if he could manage to write two book not one, sure we could do that too. Last year, I was pleased to know that my editor finally had a book published. So, I just thought that it's my turn. The thing is that recently, I have been spending a lot of time on experimental video and film making and digital art. After all, I am so out of the journalism scene. Sometimes, my editors were kind enough to send me a friendly email to remind me that I am still a writer.

So, in December last year, when I was in Krabi, I brought along the book called `The Witch of Portobello written by Paolo Coelho. Then, I learned that the writer actually prayed for a sign that if he saw a white feather, he would start writing a book. So, I also prayed for a sign of a rainbow. Then, that night, while sleeping in the tent, I saw a rainbow in my dream. Then, yesterday, I finally saw a real rainbow after the rain. So, I guess it's about time to write a book.

Water Dust 1

I am so sorry for the long long silence. I haven't been able to sign in to my blog since few months ago. It's always `page load error' . The server at www.blogger.com is taking too long to respond.

So, here, I am trying to post a video via youtube so that I can reach out to my valued readers. Hmmm....I am pretty smart! Hahaha. Anyway, I just want to wish everyone Happy New Year 2010. May 2010 bring you the best of things in life. Let's live a life worthy of God.

Peace and Love, Kriss Wong