AIDS Memorial Day

This afternoon I attended an inter faith AIDS memorial service organised by an NGO in memory of those who died of AIDS. This was the first time I came face to face with people living with HIV. I was shocked that majority of them are housewives and the last thing that will come on one's mind upon meeting them is that they are HIV positive. I talked to one of them and found out that she has been living with HIV for seven years. I guess majority of them were infected by their husbands. The other day, my friend, a single mother who attended a gathering like this was shocked and commented that marriage is like one form of death sentence for some women. I totally agree with her.

The actual AIDS Memorial Day is on 18 May which is also the Idaho Day, a day against homophobia. So, on Saturday nite, I attended a club event at a gay club. It was a great nite out, a nite of plenty of affection and love. We did the `hug hug thing'. It is great to be somewhere where everyone feel celebrated and safe by being who they are. A `I love gays' sticker was on my pinkish sleeve, not to mention the red ribbon and a Pink Triangle pendant on my neck. I was all out in solidarity with the gay community. I used to have many gay friends who made me feel celebrated, respected and so loved. That nite, a few gay man came to `chat me up' politely. One of them asked me to join others to dance on the podium. He then asked me to pull up his shirt to reveal a tattoo on his back. In return, I pulled up my pinkish shirt to show him my tattoo too, a rather funny tattoo sharing session. He laughed when he found out that I am straight. Then, he pointed to a bunch of gorgeous topless men who were dancing on the podium and asked if I was interested to get to know anyone of them. Hmmm......how about having all of them dancing around me, I thought...hehehe..It was so great to feel totally comfortable in my own skin again and celebrated.

Recently, I asked God why the so called HIS peoples are so judgemental and condemning. Of course, God always has an answer for my question, always. Few weeks ago, I came across a book called `The sins of the Scriptures reveal the love of God'. It was written by a pastor and I felt really comforted after reading the pages about gay people. Finally, I found a christian who speaks the `same language' with me. Of course, there was not it. Last week, I attended a talk and met a bunch of christian gay people who believe God loves them. I had the answer I was looking for.

I know there are many peoples out there especially gay, transsexuals and people who are outcast by the society who believe they are not worthy of God's love because of the way they are. Well, aren't they all created by God the way they are to fulfill a purpose of love. To put us all to the test to see how far we can actually love..can we actually love like the way God loves which is beyond our understanding. Yes, at times, I was amazed and could not comprehend how God could love like the way He did which put me to shame cos I had underestimated His love and His ability to love those whom we think are not worthy of His love.

God loves gay people and there is no doubt about it and shouldn't be any argument about that.

Mission accomplished

I just came back from Royal Belum. The mission went smoothly. It was so great to be back there again. I was surprised that Ema still remembers my name. I was there to conduct need assessment in February with wendy, my partner in crime. Ema was sitting on a bamboo raft washing her cloth the first time I saw her. She was abashed when I jumped on to the raft and tried to interview her. That is what we normally do during assessment- talking to the people, a lot of talking in order to dig as much info as possible.

The settlement is so remote. It took us one hour by boat to reach there. Of course, the boat journey itself is something to die for. Royal Belum is still a hidden paradise. In fact, you need to apply for permit to get into certain area because it is still considered as security area. On the way to the settlement, we stopped by at the army checkpoint to pass them our name list.

We basically brought most of the dental equipment with us including the dental chair and the compressor. So, one boat was loaded with equipments and another boat was loaded with us, the hot chicks...hehehe.

I was so thrilled to be back there again and I really wish that I could be the permanent team member. Ema and a few girls were teaching the kids singing and reading. Oh my God, the kids with afro hair were so so so cute that I went hysterical when I saw them. We were a team of nine members, strictly all female. Girl power! We basically transferred the community hall into a make shirt dental clinic. The super composed and cool dentist Goo was working hard. I felt exhausted just by looking at her treating one patient after another.

The first visitor to our dental mobile clinic was a middle aged mama with a boy tied to her chests. The boy was lying on her chests while she had her teeth examined and fixed by Goo. Ema was kind enough to take the boy away from her but the boy kept crying unstoppably. So, eventually, I offered to ‘take care’ of the crying child. He stopped crying the moment I held her in my arms. Everyone was surprised when they saw that. I was surprised too. Wendy came around to tease the boy, I quickly shooed her away. So, I ended up babysitting him til the mother was done with her dental session. I was doing registration most of the time.

The happily retired Dr. V was conducting pap smear in the store room. Dr. V asked us to take turn to see how she conducted pap smear. So, Wendy was going to the store room and gestured me to come along. So, I put on the surgical mask and went in after her. First time in my life that I witnessed how pap smear was done. I was shocked that how women have to go through this thing.

The Orang Asli women were just so cool, all of them sitting around in a group waiting for their pap smear session. I was the one who was more nervous than them. I held on to Ema’s hand when Goo was trying hard to remove her tooth. The kids pulled in after they finished school at 2pm. They were lead by their teachers. Goo managed to performed dental treatment for fifteen students but there was still a long waiting list. So, they were asked to come back again next month for their sessions.

I tried to borak-borak with the teachers, asking them whether they needed extra teachers. Well, I can imagine myself be a volunteer teacher there. This time I was so busy that I couldn't find time to sit under a tree and chill with the ultra cool old folks there just like I did during my last trip there but I know this is just the beginning for me.

`Indigenous peoples are entitled to self-determination'

Divine love

When I was in high school, I joined the school trip to visit a few places in Malaysia. We checked in to a doggy hotel in Chow Kit. Chow Kit is this downtown red light district populated by sex workers and drug addicts. The accommodation was arranged by our bus driver. Well, the teachers should have known better that Chow Kit was not a proper place for school trip. Hmmm...So, they we were, a bunch of school kids, wondering around the streets of Chow Kit without parental or teachers’ guidance. I still remember vividly the sex worker standing in front of a dark stairway. On that moment, I knew my life was not going to be the same again cos I have been drawn to the forbidden and abandoned side of the world.

After more than 20 years, I was back there, surrounded by a bunch of orphans. I summoned all my strength to carry the heavy box filled with medicines up the narrow stairway. The stairway was flanked by walls painted with murals. I was exhausted but it had to be done. The orphanage was beautifully decorated and clean. It was something you don’t expect to see in places like Chow Kit.

So, without a moment to waste, we quickly set up the mobile clinic. We arranged all the needed medical equipments on two tables. Sister taught us how to take BP and to weight and scale the height of the kids. Some of the kids looked abashed when I asked them where they lived. They shyly or rather shamefully told me that they lived nearby. Then, I realised that I shouldn't ask them this question cos most of them spend most of the day in the orphanage which also serves a drop in centre. There are also permanently live-in children. Most of the kids we examined were in good health but they were these three sisters who were having high fever. Dr. W asked me to give them medicine. I carried one of the young sisters and let her sit on my lap. I heard from Sister C that they are actually five siblings who are left by their mother in the centre. Many of the children have no birth certificate. Therefore, they are not vaccinated and can’t go to school.

I held on to the little hand and put a wet face tower on her forehead. On that moment, I felt divine love and affection which I have been deprived of, I believed she felt the same way too. There we were, feeding each other love as if the whole universe had taken centre stage in us. I put my hand over her head and prayed for her. God had led me to where I belong, where I could feel His presence and a sense of belonging and unconditional love. This is what I have been craving for...Then, I realised I need to be free again...

Foolish Games

Six degrees of separation

There are boxes lying around on the third floor (where all the relief experts of our org stationed and where I stationed too but I am not one of the relief experts cos I have never been to a disaster area. Our office looks like it was hit by cyclone too. Our team is ready to be deployed. Bad timing cos tomorrow is my last working day. Suddenly, I become so free, nothing much to do cos I have handed over my Sudan and North Korea projects to my colleague. Of course, this is not the time for me to leave, judging on the situation now cos four of our relief members are leaving for Myanmar. Of course, I will be back to the office if they needed me. To make things worse, another cyclone is heading towards the direction of Bangladesh. We just completed the pond cleaning projects in Bangladesh and the cyclone is heading there again. Can the cyclone take a turn and head back to where it came from?!!

Of course, I have been handling very complex project, supporting our two officers in Sudan from the headquarters. Last month, there was a killing rampage going on in where our officers stationed. I was basically on call 24 hours, keeping in touch with our officers, which is part of the security protocol. I was basically in emergency mode for two weeks until our officers were safely relocated. The situation was so intense that I felt mentally and emotionally exhausted cos if anything happened to them, I would be completely screwed. I am so glad that this has come to an end. No more tears and despair. I am no longer responsible for their lives. Nothing to be accountable for...I am gonna walk away quietly tomorrow and be free again. Finally the suffering is over but yet I can sense that it’s not quite over yet. I am still gonna be the faithful volunteer...once a volunteer, always a volunteer...next week I am gonna join the dental team to go on mission to Royal Belum...something which is more relaxing and what I really enjoy doing...to be close to the beneficiaries...perhaps, it’s better this way.