Dream and fate

That kind of love that I desires,
that kind of freedom that I glorifies,
remain just a dream.

Dream and fate collided,
fate won.

Will life begin again?
Will the birds sing for me again?
Will I be able to set myself free again?
Will we see each other again?

Where will life take you?

One more month to go then I will be off the beaten track. Feeling like I am running out of time. This time I have to apply for a visa. It's going to be a bit complicated but I have to do what I have to do. Actually, I have been feeling really nervous.

This is going to be the biggest trip I am going to do in recent years. It's going to be the most adventurous trip ever so far. I have been sleepless for the past weeks, thinking and thinking, worrying and worrying cos I have a pretty tight budget. It's like a mission impossible. My heart can't be tamed.It's has been pestering me until I said YES. YES, heart. I am going to do this. I am going to take you to the place you have been dreaming to go no matter what it takes. Satisfied?!!

I remember back in year 2000, I had this same feeling after I saw Angkor Wat on National Geographic channel. My heart couldn't be tamed. So, I went to Cambodia and it really changed my life. The trip inspired me to write my first travel story which was published in a local newspaper. I have been feeling this way again lately since I saw that place. Yes, the place has to remain a mystery until I get my visa arranged.    

You know what, I have been watching the opening of LV'S first Island Maison in Singapore live on Facebook  and listening to Skylar Grey's Invisible (Dirty South Remix) while writing this. It's Saturday night. I am having my own little party all by myself  at home cos I have to sort out some photos for my stories and to send out a few emails. Where will life take me? Definitely not to a LV Maison cos I can't afford anything in there. Having said that, I really like the LV'S core value video.

William Shatner- Common People

Being invisible

Being invisible like the unreported deaths of those who died in police custody, who were killed for their political choices , religious choices and sexual orientations. Being invisible like the native tribes whose homes (the forests) were cut down and their drinking water was polluted by pesticide. Being invisible like those political activists who were taken away in the middle of the night and never be found again. Being invisible like the women who were raped and killed by the soldiers. Being invisible like the children who were maimed  by landmines. Being invisible because nobody cares.  

Death, illness and hopelessness

I know it's strange to talk about death. I don't know, I just feel that I have been surrounded by deaths. Seriously speaking, sometimes I really feel that death is really a form of freedom for people who are suffering.I am not sure that whether you use to have this` what's the point of being alive' feeling. It's a strange feeling and it has nothing to do with physical suffering, it's more about feeling hopeless. For me, feeling hopeless is worse than death.

The other day, I was at the emergency room waiting for my turn to see the doctor just to get a referral letter so that I could see the orthopedic. I was flanked by wheel chair bound patients. On my left was a guy with red eyes who looked very weak and ill. On my right was a teenage boy who obviously got involved in an accident. I looked at the teenage boy's multiple injuries on his hand  and mouth, I felt the pain just by looking at his injuries. That day, I felt grateful despite being ill. In fact, I have been enduring this sciatica pain for the past six months. At times, the pain was excruciating.I guess I have learnt to deal with the pain, it has become part of me. At times, I no longer saw it as a form of illness.

When Kavern told me that the cancer was always there, (pointing to his face, which was quarterly eaten away by cancer) he was trying to tell me that it was no longer a big deal cos he had learn to deal with it and  to live as normal as possible. So, that was what he did, he went out to face the world even though at times people looked at him as if he was a monster. Now I truly understand what he was trying to tell me. No, God didn't forsake him cos God gave Kavern HIS own divine courage and strength that the world can not possibly understand.      

Never let me go

Sing, sing a song for me,

like a lullaby,

like a cradle of a new born baby, 

rocks  me to sleep.

Never let me go,

even I insist, please remember this.

Maybe, maybe one day, insanity will come and visit

Never let me go,

even I insist, please remember this

I miss her

The claws, the feathers and the shiny eyes seem so unreal, almost meaningless to the world.

Yet it gives you freedom to fly, to fly to the embrace of the beloved one.

Where is my beloved one, I wonder?

Has someone been looking for her like the way I have been looking for my beloved one?

Where is she? Is she still here? Is she still who she is?

Have you been looking for her? 

Please tell me when you find her cos I am looking for her too!

Please tell her that I miss her, miss her courage, miss her adventurous soul, miss her craziness, miss her abundant love.