Hello my friends

A quick shout out to Hermione, Shannon, Issac , Melissa, Kavern, Yas from Japan and everyone. So sorry for the long silence. Have a good week ahead. Chat again soon.

Orange sky

What if?

18-07-2007-I set the alarm clock last night so that I could wake up early and leave but things don't always happen the way you expect or predict. Last night, I suddenly felt so lonely after I came back from dinner. That kind of unspeakable loneliness which I used to be able to cope when I was on a journey. After all, travelling on your own can be quite lonely sometimes. I wonder If I left home much much earlier, would it be different by now. Maybe we shouldn't ask this kind of question: "What if?" If we knew it earlier, we wouldn't have done so many things. Would my mother marry my father if she could turn back the clock and re-live her life? Would my sister marry her husband if she was given a second chance?

All of us need a second chance. It is so painful when we have to ask ourselves this kind of question. I think the worst thing is that we can't really come up with an absolute answer, an ultimate answer or an unregretable answer. So, we prefer not to ask ourselves some life-changing and important questions cos we know we don't have the answers. There are many walls built around our hearts. The moment when a life-changing question is answered, a wall is pulled down. Along the journey in life, we will have to pull down these walls no matter how many obsticles we have to encounter and eventually we will find ourselves, our truest self and freedom.

The revolutionary

Computer game

Strike a pose like a hell raiser,

....................Swing my M16,

Aim at my enermy.

....................Pull the trigger,

fire the bullets.

......................VENGE OUT MY ANGER IN THE CYBER WORLD.

No one gives a damn when I gun down that man.

Inspired by the teens and gangsters who spend long hours playing Counter Strike in an internet cafe I normally go

The crying Darfur

I heard so much about Darfur from humanitarian workers. These people who had risked their lives to go to Darfur to extend their helping hands to the civilians who have been trapped and victimized in the name of war, civil war to be exact. These humanitarian workers still believe and hold on to the hope that there will be better days for the Sudanese. There are many unheard sad stories about the Sudanese that will move everyone to tears. I hope next time when I hear a story about Sudan, it will make me smile. Please log on to Amnesty International website (Make Some Noise campaign) to find out what you can do to help the Sudanese.

Activism

...........................Mary Go Round,

...........................................spinning around.

...........................Ferris Wheel,

...........................................splendid view.

...........................Spread your banners,

..........................................raise your placards.

...........................Say it out loud:

.........................................."Fascists step down."

Inspired by the May Day March in Kuala Lumpur that I joined in 2006.

life is what you make out of it

Actually, we all have gone through tough time in order to commit to our truest soul and dreams. Two days ago, I went to meet a long lost friend. He wanted to open a cafe, so he spent months setting up the cafe, creating an atmosphere and environment that spell his personality. He makes a living as a tattoo artist but recently he spent a lot of time setting up a cafe. He built a fish pond, painted the walls, cemented the floor and there are still more works to be done. He has to tear off part of the walls on the second floor and convert it into a veranda. Totally D-I-Y. I used to help him to set up the tattoo studio and cafe in the previous location and we did have a lot of fun even though the cafe didn't make money but there was a bunch of like minded people who came to hang out and play music.

Once, after attending a film festival, I invited Amir Muhamad (the film director of The Big Durian) and the gang to come and hang out in the cafe. We just need to hang out with people who share the same passion in life, people who speak the `same language of passion'. We need to feed on each other's passionate energy on daily basis to keep the light of passion burning. This friend has great spirit and great faith even though money is running out sometimes. He is always such an inspiration to me. Of course, I believe he will pull it through cos he had done it many times. I have been working on a few projects too, never mind that I was called a slacker by some people cos I don't have a monthly faithful income as a freelancer. After all, they don't really pay my bills, do they?


I used to have a permanent job too. When I finished college back in 1995. I was landed a job as a Guest Service Assistant at a 5 star resort in Langkawi. I hated that job really, I was living in hell for one year before I quit. I had to wear this over-sized uniform and high heels that hurt my feet, not to mention, lip stick, eye shadow and all that shit on daily basis. Sometimes, during high occupancy, there was a never ending queue of guests waiting to check out. By the time I was free to go for my lunch break, the cafeteria already closed. I always had nightmare the night before public holidays. Of course, I had not-too-bad- income but I was so tied down and tortured by my job. One day, I looked into the mirror and I didn't recognise who I was anymore cos the job had killed my soul.


Then, I moved back to Penang and landed myself as a Public Relation Coordinator at SUPER KOMTAR. Probably you had heard my voice: "Paging for MR. So and So, kindly proceed to the Customer Service Counter immediately" We had to deal with customer complaints and a lot of petty things. We got to organise children colouring contests and other contests. I had great colleagues, so it was bearable but I still hated that over sized uniform. One day, while I was squatting behind the gift counter for hours packing canned soft drinks. I asked myself one question: Why was I working my butt out to make the rich becomes richer. So, I quit again.


Then, I went backpacking around a few places in Malaysia with my best friend, Melissa. It was Melissa who introduced me to backpacking. Melissa had done India. (Oh yeah, Mellisa just gave birth to a baby boy few days ago, her second child.) In the backpacking scene, there is a backpacker's saying: If you have survived India, that means you have graduated from the university of backpacking. I haven't done India, so I haven't graduated just yet. Ok, let's get back to the story, So after the cuti-cuti Malaysia backpacking trip. I got a job as an assistant teacher at a School for the Blind in Penang, very little salary, it was like half-charitable job. Seriously, my life changed dramatically, many good things happened to me. The job made me feel so saintly. I remember one day, Andrew (who is visually impaired) came to talk to me. He came to talk to me often when I finished my class at 4.30 pm. That day, he told me that his salvation lied in Jesus' love. I listened to his story and started weeping cos I was so touched. Now you know that I heard the gospel from a blind man who walks by faith, not by sight He is a man who has fulfilled the scripture: to walk by faith, not by sight. I worked there for 2 years, the longest job I ever had so far.


During that time, I went backpacking to Thailand, Borneo and Cambodia on my own during school holidays. When I came back from Cambodia, I was so touched and inspired by the people I met there that I wrote a article about Cambodia and the landmine victims. I was probably the first or second Malaysian who backpacked to Cambodia by land and I was very proud of myself (I am not showing off, just proud). The article was published in New Straits Times. That is how I started off as a writer.


After that, I worked as a trekking guide in Cameron Highlands. Everyday was a holiday....My life changed again. Bohemian life, crazy and started to develop bad habits. I really had a great time in Cameron Highlands. Off to Europe for 3 months, hitch-hiking, fire dancing, camping in a massive hippie festival with 20,000 people, sleeping in a stable like baby Jesus in the mountain in Austria, being cold and homeless, sleeping in a car in Zurich. Life is what you make out of it. I made mistakes, I learnt from mistakes, I cried, I smiled, I loved, I hated, I suffered, I laughed, I sinned , I repent cos I allowed myself to unfold every layer of humanity. Along the journey, I realised that God loves me. I know He will always love me til the end of the time

Requiem for Davina

It was 15th May 2007. We woke up early cos we wanted to attend Davina's (my cousin-sister) funeral. It was like a dream, so unreal but yet we were really on our way to Butterworth to attend her funeral. There were many peoples by the time we arrived, many of them were Davina's colleagues. Justine (Davina's boss) and Selina were there too.

There were many familiar faces. It was Davina that brought us together. It was Davina that we talked to each other and revealed our most humane side to each other cos we were at Mount Miriam cancer hospital to be with Davina during her final days. It was Davina that made us realised how powerless we are even many of us are so powerful in our respective field of work but there were only so much we could do to save Davina. In fact, her company was willing to generate RM 120,000 for her medical expenses but yet we could not save her.

We didn't talk much to each other anymore cos the person that brought us together was no longer with us. We were there to pay our last respect and to mourn. The black van that parked outside the gate was adorned with flower garlands. The flower garland sent by my church was placed in the front of the van. I had no tears to shed, no more tears but I was still engulfed by sadness. All of us walked behind the slow moving black van. Later, her body was cremated. There were so many questions lingering on my mind. Why she was not given a second chance?

Davina, 31 years old, died of liver cancer on Mother's day, living behind a 14 months old son, a husband and all of us. May her soul rest in peace.

Here without you

Is This Love

Extended Theological Education Course

I just came back from Port Dickson. I was invited to join the one week Extended Theological Course. I was supposed to learnt from the preachers but I ended up having two rounds of biblical debate with the preachers. I know Christ through wonders, miracles and His unfailing love and forgiveness which happened in my life. That's why I believe in Christ because He had freed me from the dungeon of darkness. No one can take this away from me or tell me anything that contradicts to my own personal relationship with Christ. The very thing that almost destroys my faith or to raise doubt in Christ is the teachers of the law, who are Christians themselves. (just like the Pharisees described in the Bible who persecuted Jesus Christ). I am a believer of Christ, who doesn't belong to any denomination because I find division amongst churches to be very depressing.



Let's do a bit of 'brokeback' just to piss them (the teachers
of the law) off.

Two beautiful souls were born into this world. They are pure

and innocent until the world teaches them how to

hate.

Let's stop pretending that we really love each other.

Oh Lord, please protect these kids from being brainwashed.

Oh Lord, please tell us that you are not the toxic

God that they told us.

If only we were allowed to be the person we really are.....

Let's treat each other just like how we want to be treated.

That sum up all commandments of the Law.

Don't let the colours of our skins and religions come between us.
I am just standing at a different angle to look at the same religion