Death, illness and hopelessness

I know it's strange to talk about death. I don't know, I just feel that I have been surrounded by deaths. Seriously speaking, sometimes I really feel that death is really a form of freedom for people who are suffering.I am not sure that whether you use to have this` what's the point of being alive' feeling. It's a strange feeling and it has nothing to do with physical suffering, it's more about feeling hopeless. For me, feeling hopeless is worse than death.

The other day, I was at the emergency room waiting for my turn to see the doctor just to get a referral letter so that I could see the orthopedic. I was flanked by wheel chair bound patients. On my left was a guy with red eyes who looked very weak and ill. On my right was a teenage boy who obviously got involved in an accident. I looked at the teenage boy's multiple injuries on his hand  and mouth, I felt the pain just by looking at his injuries. That day, I felt grateful despite being ill. In fact, I have been enduring this sciatica pain for the past six months. At times, the pain was excruciating.I guess I have learnt to deal with the pain, it has become part of me. At times, I no longer saw it as a form of illness.

When Kavern told me that the cancer was always there, (pointing to his face, which was quarterly eaten away by cancer) he was trying to tell me that it was no longer a big deal cos he had learn to deal with it and  to live as normal as possible. So, that was what he did, he went out to face the world even though at times people looked at him as if he was a monster. Now I truly understand what he was trying to tell me. No, God didn't forsake him cos God gave Kavern HIS own divine courage and strength that the world can not possibly understand.