Question, question, question....

So sorry for the long silence. Well, I have been writing a lot recently but the things I wrote have became very personal. The things I wrote on my blog are actually very personal. Few months ago, a colleague discovered my blog and I freaked out cos I just assumed she couldn't accept the way I am. Surprisingly, after that she kind of being extra nice to me. Yes Puteri, I am talking about you. Thanks for the lovely shoes. I have been wearing it. So sorry that I didn't make it to your wedding today cos I just don't have anything nice to wear, you know, my skirts are way to short. I will catch up with you and pass you the wedding gift soon.

Ok, some updates about what I have been up to in K.L. Yeah, I am still stuck in K.L but I keep thinking about leaving every other day. My luggage is too heavy. I can't move them, so I can't leave. Well, probably this is just an excuse. I don't know why, I keep comparing my life with the good old days and my life now is not really up to my expectation. I have a very high expectation towards life...I mean quality life. I used to have so good life and now my life is not as good as before anymore. The days of glory had gone and I just can't make it happen again anymore and sometimes I wonder why.

I used to be so free and now my wings are crippled. I can no longer be as free as a bird anymore. I should be travelling and be on that magical journey. What have happened to me? Suddenly, I just feel I need to have a sense of community, to see the same person again and again. Why suddenly I changed. I am so afraid of these changes that I can no longer have control over it. My life has a life of its own now. Is this something have to do with my age? Why I suddenly wanted to settle down in one place. Oh, this is the worst thing I fear most and it's happening to me.

I have been struggling so hard to have a normal life again after spending so many years travelling around living a nomadic life. I still live in a guesthouse cos I need to feel a sense of familiarity and many people questioned my choice and I don't really expect them to understand.

I used to live in this two storey apartment when I was in Bangkok. I spent a lot of time being alone in that spacious place. The sense of emptiness was so unbearable. I don't feel that anymore cos I am into communal living now. I just need to feel a sense of connection with people. I gotta go. I have been seeing this guy but I am not really in love.....or anything.